I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i was born a porn star she said
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
