He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
