Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
