Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I FOUND THE LEGS
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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