Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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