so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Can you bring me the toilet please
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
