Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
