At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
