im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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