Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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