btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
