Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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