Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
