If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
