I hope mine doesn't look like that
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
