eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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