you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize