I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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