I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
