dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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