I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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