Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize