I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She bit a glass in half.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
