is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
