In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i was born a porn star she said
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
