she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
