can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
