i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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