I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
