Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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