I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
In America we eat man semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
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