so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
