I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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