Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
