why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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