Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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