i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
