Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
