My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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