So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
