whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
