i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
