separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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