We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
