im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
