hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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