You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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