I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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