I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
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ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.