You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.