i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.