Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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