just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I spit up blood this morning
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.