Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.