She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
