her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
