can we get nightvision for the apartment?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
