is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
