oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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