Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
