Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
