i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
