windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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