when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
