i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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