I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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