I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
