Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
