Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
