I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
This is classic penis vs brain.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
