You're completely useless in the revolution.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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