Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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