ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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