Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
