I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
