dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
